Dating Dad answers "Umm, he has kids."

'Umm, he has kids'
by Brian Gallagher

Focusing on two relationships I have had in the last three years, I

have come to realize that the women were hiding behind my kids in two

very different ways, one as an excuse to get out of the relationship

and the other was to stay in the relationship.  I went into each

relationship with the hopes of long term partnership and was

disappointed in one and happy with the ending of the other.

"What is the greatest barrier to having a long term relationship with

a guy who has kids?"  'Umm, he has kids.'   If this question comes up

in your conversations and this is your answer please do all the single

dads a favor and get out now.  You may absolutely adore his kids, go to

school events, go to dinner, spend hours hanging out and truly love who

they are and what they have to say.  But over time it may be too much to

bear because the guy you fell for gets mixed up with the kids and it becomes

and instant family.  If your first instinct is to get out of the relationship please

understand that it is okay to do so.  Just don't tell the guy that his focus

should be on his kids.  It puts the guy in the position that his kids can get

in the way of his happiness with you.  Don't sew these seeds of resentment

in his mind.  Single dads can be vulnerable too.  They are a rare breed of

responsibility and will sacrifice themselves for their kids...don't make them

resent that choice.

"What is the greatest thing about having a long term relationship with

a guy who has kids?"  'Umm, he has kids.'  If this question comes up

in your conversations and this is your answer please do all the single

dads a favor and hang on tight to that guy. You may absolutely adore

his kids, go to school events, go to dinner, spend hours hanging out and truly love who

they are and what they have to say (Sound familiar?). But maybe you and

the guy end up not clicking for the long term.  You may be in love with

the idea of being together as a family but you realize you just

aren't strong enough as a couple to go forward.  If you fall in this category you need to

tell him that you love his kids and the idea of being a family but you can't stay in the

relationship for that reason.  Hold on to that guy and his kids as an extended

family.  Speaking as a single dad with kids that is FAR MORE VALUABLE than any other

relationship I can have with a woman.  A strong and loving woman rocks.

Umm, he has kids...so be honest before we ALL fall in love with you.