Lessons my parents taught me about being a Momish

I have two sets of parents.  I have for most of my life.  They're affectionately called Mom1 & Dad2 and Dad1 & Mom2.   I'd love to tell you we're one big happy family that spends summer vacations and holidays together and lets the past be the past.  I'd love to tell you that but I'd be lying to you so I won't.

Being a combined family is hard, really hard.  Just the simple fact that someone else is now having sex with your ex is enough to throw most people into a tailspin but add in someone else parenting your kids and living in the same house with them and you have a recipe for disaster.

"Who does she think she is acting like she belongs in the life I built complete with a white picket fence?"

"Does he really think he can please her any better than I did?  Good luck, buddy!"

"She's NOT my kids' mother and if she tries to act like it, she'll have to deal with ME!"

"If he so much as raises his voice to my kids, he's in for it!"

Sound familiar?  If you're part of a modern family, chances are you've said it.  If you haven't said exactly that, you've probably thought something similar.  It's easy to get caught up in the jealousy of it all and loose focus on what really matters.

So how do you avoid it?  You do what my parents learned to do over the years.  You focus on your kids.  My parents, all four of them have worked to build relationships with their children.  Some relationships are more solid then others and all of them change and then change back again over the years but they work at it.  My parents have been an exceptional example of the work and dedication it takes to be an "ish".  They've also been examples of what not to do as an "ish".  Of course, I'll need to learn my own lessons along the way and will likely repeat some of their mistakes but having them there always gives me comfort.

The other important part to my relationship with all four of my parents has been my willingness to see that they love me.  They're great people.  In fact when people realize I'm one of their children, someone will inevitably say what a "good person" he or she is.  There's always a story of how they've impacted someone's life and always comments on how great it must be to be one of their daughters.   By learning to see my parents the way outsiders saw them instead of the way an angry sibling or extended family member might, I began to see they really were as great as I thought.  Basically, I quit listening to the bad stuff and decided to love them for who they were, flaws and all.  It's all about perspective.  You see, four parents means four parents who love me and that's always a good thing.